Dispatches from the Gender Ghetto
It’s always illuminating to look at how we present things to children. We tend (in the West, anyway) to portray the world to them in a kind of sanitised, round-edged, Technicolor version of how we believe it to be – or perhaps how we would like it to be – which says a lot about us.
I’ve been thinking recently about children’s clothes.
Clothes, of course, are practically a language all of their own: what we wear screams out information to the world (and this goes double if there are actual words on our clothes).
Do you buy children’s clothes? Have you noticed how insanely gendered they are these days? In some of the online circles where I hang out, it’s a commonplace almost no longer worth alluding to: if the fashion world had its way, girls would drown in a sparkly ocean of pink and lilac; boys would be engulfed in a tidal wave of blue, muddy shades, and military chic.
The colour thing is law, by the way, to an extent I don’t remember from when I was young. Nowadays, unless you colour-code your girl-child with pink or lilac, or other “feminine” talismans (talispersons?) (heartsflowersbutterflies), or a girly hairstyle, she will be assumed by strangers to be male. Yes, this really happens. Often.
And colour is, in many ways, the least of it. If you really want to get riled up, pause for a few moments to consider the words. Here are some real-life examples:
- On a blue top: My travel diary – African safari – Tropical island
- On a T-shirt: Little adventurer – Explorer club
- On a brick-red T-shirt: I’m travelling around the world with my friends
- On a yellow T-shirt: I’m the boss
- On a red, navy and grey top: Taxi – Police – Air Rescue
- On a grey, navy and green top: The big city – Swoosh! – Air rescue (illustration: helicopter)
- On a navy and grey top: If you think I’m cute you should see my daddy!
So far so good, right? OK, perhaps a touch of white privilege, but nothing too horrible (apart from the last one, which makes me feel queasy). Now, check these out:
- On a white top: No. 1 baby (illustration: flowers)
- On a white T-shirt with pink trim: Sunshine (embellishment: abstract flower motifs)
- On a pink T-shirt: Rosie’s secret garden (illustration: girl in a dress surrounded by floral motifs)
- On a white T-shirt: Good toes, naughty toes, good toes… (illustration: pink bow with suspended ballet pumps)
- On a navy and white top, in gold embellished script: Heritage
- On a white T-shirt: Follow the line to help baby elephant find his mummy (illustration: elephants and other animals, a dotted line)
- On a frilly turquoise T-shirt: Princess in training … almost perfect (embellishment: sequins, stars, hearts)
I take it you do not need me to explain which set goes with which gender? No? Good.
These examples are all from Mothercare in Dublin: I stopped there one afternoon a few months ago and wrote down everything I could see, because the contrast was so egregious. I haven’t shown you everything I wrote down, but this is a broadly (as opposed to statistically accurate) representative sample.
The Boy message is all about action, adventure, agency, while the Girl message is all about appearance, passivity, being the object of judgement.
The Boy tells us that he’s travelling around the world with his friends (who are African animals, as far as I remember), in a presumably carefree manner. The Girl is instructed to follow the line to help baby elephant find his mummy: to take responsibility, in other words, for minding a male child and sorting out a pretty serious, grown-up issue.
In general, the Boy gets to speak – “I’m the boss” – while the Girl is labelled – “No. 1 baby”. (Look out for that one. It’s a depressingly common distinction. I once saw a pair of gendered T-shirts reading “I’m the cutest!” (Boy) and “Cutie Pie” (Girl) – took me ages to work out why they annoyed me.)
Embellishment and illustration are ubiquitous in the Girl section, less so in the Boy section. (I didn’t note all of the illustrations in the Boy section, because they didn’t particularly strike me. Bad researcher, no biscuit.) This underlines the message that girls are decorative and looking at them is proper and pleasurable.
In the Boy section, there is nothing approaching the jawdropping world of WTF we see in the Girl section. (Heritage? What?) The message of Good toes, naughty toes, good toes… is that there is a paradigm of judgement, to which the wearer is subject. The same goes for Princess in training … almost perfect, which also encourages aspirations that can never be fulfilled (contrast Explorer, Air Rescue, which actually could feature in a child’s future).
Girls are pressured to strive for perfection – which as far as I can see is defined as community approval. Boys aren’t. My afternoon in Mothercare didn’t yield any examples of the “Boys are delinquent, unsanitary sociopaths, and we (women/mothers) love them anyway” meme, but look out for it – it’s everywhere (e.g. the picture at the top of this post, of a T-shirt belonging to the Feaster). Best example I can think of, spotted in the same Mothercare branch last year and neatly combining delinquency, militarism, and the glass ceiling: Trouble Squad: Team Leader.
But let us – with some difficulty, at least in my case – tear ourselves away from the sexist imbalances for a moment. The overarching message of these slogans, supported throughout this society by adult purchasing power, is basically, “Hey, look, here is the world. Regard it in all its teeming richness and beauty. One day, you will hold sway here. But remember – this is really important – you have to ignore this half over here. It is not for people with genitals shaped like yours. Focus exclusively on this half. Here is the arena in which your ineluctable destiny is to be played out. The other half is not for you – repeat: NOT for you. Because look! In your pants! See?”
Don’t you think that’s weird?
In the spirit of David and Goliath (or even, dare I suggest, a female version of the same trope – any suggestions?), my Zazzle shop provides a few alternative messages. These ideas have been kicking around in my head for a while; more will follow as inspiration strikes. (Meanwhile, if inspiration strikes you, it’s dead easy to start up there.)
I ordered an “I’ll be a post-feminist in the post-patriarchy” T-shirt for the Feaster last week, in pink with lilac writing. I got myself a “miles to go before I sleep” top as well, for good measure. I’ll let you know when they arrive.
I always welcome comments, but I’d particularly like to know what you think of this post. I hesitated for ages before publishing it – it’s quite a departure from my usual crafty subject-matter.
But then, clothes and fashion are definitely within the remit here, and there’s plenty I want to say about them. Like it or not, we live in a political soup: everything is touched by it. Plus, this blog is called “String Revolution”, so it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise when I wax polemic.
I’m probably overthinking this. What’s your verdict? Should I stick to the crafts, or would you welcome more of this sort of thing in the mix?
More of this sort of thing. Hands down.
*applauds*
I was absolutely appalled the first time I went into Mothercare for this very reason: I spent my 70s childhood wearing clothes that were a mixture of fairly unisex and unmistakably girly clothes (dresses etc.), but they were in all sorts of colours – red! blue! purple! orange! pink! green! brown! Now if you have a girl-child it seems to be remarkably difficult to find anything that isn’t pink and foofy and embellished with THIS IS A GIRL, A GIRL I TELL YOU, NOT A BOY slogans/motifs, without spending a fortune. Ditto boywear that isn’t festooned with trucks. You’d think that buying non-aggressively-gendered kidwear was tantamount to conducting some kind of radical gender experiment and never telling anyone whether your child is a girl or a boy. I mean, it wasn’t the case when we were kids, so why now?
I am fighting the good fight re: the future offspring by knitting them things in a selection of bright colours (and buying tragically expensive Danish babywear, where obviously there is less of a fear of infant transvestism).
Oh, and the most egregious thing we spotted in Mothercare was a set of toddler reins: they came in blue with “Driving Mum Crazy” written on them, and pink with “Mummy’s Little Princess” on. Bleeuuurrggghhhh.
I applaud! I applaud with vigor!
(But… a footnote: “good toes, naughty toes” is a chant that is sometimes used in ballet lessons for young children. “Good toes” are pointed forward; “naughty toes” are flexed inward. Alternating between the two is a common exercise for the feet for ballet classes; they do it in adult classes too, without the chant. Of course the T-shirt doesn’t come with that context pre-loaded…)
I think you’ve heard me on why this stuff is getting, it seems, worse: because it’s a way of putting children in their place *before* they seek to access their legal rights. We condition them not to ask to get out of their gender box, so that we don’t have to forbid them to.
My mother routinely dressed me and my brother in pretty much the same stuff as small children. I also had a short back and sides because it was more practical. EVERYONE thought I was a boy, and thought it was weird that this didn’t bother my mother any. I had no interest in pink stuff then anyway, preferring to play with monster trucks in the sand pit.
Last summer I was helping a friend pick out a birthday card for her 9-year-old daughter, and was absolutely blown away by the very same phenomenon. It’s not just that the cards are rigidly segregated into separate section and colour coded; it was teh messages on the cards that really got to me.
Even in cases of branded cards that took their subject matter from TV programs (in the rare instances where the programs themselves were not heavily gendered – who knew they were making “just for boys” and “just for girls” CARTOONS these days??!?), the Boy version of the card would have a male character engaging in some dinamic action pr aggressive aspiration whereas the Girl version would feature a different character being passively observed, and often judged along the “good/perfect girl/princess” axis.
I was sickened, utterly shocked. I have no children so for me it was a very rude awakening to just how endemically deep the backlash against feminism is, how poisonously it has colonised even the supposedly innocent land of six year old children. All power to you and other crafty people for staging a fightback; I hope you start a trend!
There are serious reasons why I knit baby stuff in Green and Yellow…
Wow, thanks for all these great comments! I love my readers
@Ailbhe: I’ll see what I can do… (Part of my reluctance: I’m not sure I can dee-livah this sort of thing on a regular basis.)
@Lisa: I know – I was similarly shocked. H&M is sometimes OK – O and F have lovely cords from the Girl section (green and purple respectively), which ONLY have heart-shaped knee patches (and a heart-spattered waistband lining). Du Pareil Au Même is also reasonable, and very pricey. That part is infuriating: the richer you are, the less gender stereotyping you have to subject your kids to. Whoopee.
@Katherine: Ah … ballet: that bastion of gender equality. Interesting to know that, but I’m not sure it counters my overall point. There’s still an arbitrary paradigm of judgement being established, and it’s very much in Girl territory (boys, as we know, never do ballet).
@Kate: Argh, yes, of course! I hadn’t thought of it in quite this way before. Thank you for pointing out that I haven’t actually got angry enough about this yet
Fucking shite on a stick, is what it is. Care to stage a coup with me?
@Actionreplay: That was the way in the 70s, wasn’t it? I think the attitude was a sort of “gender-blindness”, which was good in many ways but also entailed wholesale devaluation of the less privileged perspective (i.e. girls were encouraged to act “like boys”, for some value thereof, but never vice versa).
@TheLady: Don’t even get me started on greeting cards. Ugh. It IS shocking, isn’t it? And it’s weirdly invisible, too, because it’s “only” children’s stuff. Plus, it starts at birth. Take a look at newborn gear some time: it’s all there. By the time we (mainstream feminism, I think I mean) start to pay attention, it’s far too late, and the marketers are able to claim – even demonstrate – that they’re simply responding to demand.
@Deirdre: Green and yellow used to be a kind of safe haven from the blue/pink tyranny, but unfortunately I see signs that that’s weakening. Even in the five years since the Oyster’s birth, there’s been a noticeable polarisation.
It is very hard trying to find kids clothes without this bizarre gender bias…I often end up buying my mates kids ‘cool’ tee’s with band slogans and stuff from Retro and Top Shop and websites like hairybaby.com which have similar funny slogans for both boys and girls for the most part. That’s not ideal for everyday wear obviously but better than whats on offer in most places
Oh yeah, I have had some complaints or comments and my sister wanted to know if the navy baby blanket was being knit in navy because I knew the baby was male. She was shocked when I said that no, navy was a practical colour and a yarn I had an good supply of and washable. She though that it would be important.
I also find it terrible how a lot of girls clothes isn’t designed really for active play but for being passive, easily dirtied and not as durable.
It bears mentioning that girls’ clothes are also a very different shape – trousers are in general lower-rise, and more apt to fall down and expose butt-crack. Shirts and tshirts are shorter and more likely to expose potbellies. Sleeves have less space for biceps. Knickers are higher-cut, which on my children means they ride up more. That sort of thing.
Perhaps it evens out after the 5-6 range. Doubt it though.
I found your blog through Jane Brocket’s – so I was expecting something crafty. But this entry was a fascinating read and I would love to know more of your thoughts on this. I haven’t read any of your other stuff yet (but I shall!) and just skimmed over your personal detail – and what strikes me is that you are a mother of two boys and you have such concern about the sexism that is thrown at them… although (I think) you would agree that is is to their advantage.
I have three girls – so I am naturally concerned about how these sexist attitudes could adversely affect them. I generally steer clear of anything with a message printed on it – for various reasons but mostly because those sentiments only work when you are in the right mood- and you can be in such a spectrum of moods when wearing the same thing. I still feel very uncertain about how to go about changing it and making it better. I have read a couple of books and found a few useful, practical ideas. Maybe I should order one of those t-shirts!
Great post Lean.
I like the mix of crafty/opinion/life. And I love your t-shirts on Zazzle too. The colour-coded ones are particularly good. They are definitely a breath of fresh air.
Yes, it is incredibly annoying.
There is so little middle-ground also.
Velour tracksuits were the order of the day in my family – we were both girls, but that made no difference to which colours we wore. If we’d been boys I think we would have had the same clothes (except for the dresses…) Mind you, we both turned into total tomboys then, because we both rejected the crapness of being a “girl”… how shit is that! Already rejecting the gender sterotypes, but also throwing out any permission to be in any way sensitive or gentle with it.
I had a partner once with a 7 year old daughter who only dressed in camoflage and skater jeans. Again, anything pink was totally rubbish to her and seen as weak and shit. How much more polarised can you get.
I am not a regular visitor, but I came here BECAUSE of this post, so I think that tells you something.
I have a 4-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son, so I am painfully familiar with the gender divide in the clothes. Here in North America there’s an added dimension of licensed characters on most children’s attire. Dora and Disney Princesses for girls, Spiderman and Cars for boys. More messaging, especially from the Disney Princesses.
As my daughter has gotten older, I’ve struggled with this more because she has a definite preference for the girly. She won’t wear green or yellow clothes I buy her, because they’re not ‘girl colours’. When she sees Cinderella on a pair of shoes she begs for them. She wants to be ‘pretty’ and ‘cute’ and she knows that being that way wins her attention from strangers.
My problem, at this point, is how I balance my own views with hers. It feels a little heavy-handed to completely forbid her to wear pink sparkly things when she wants them so much. But I am sometimes tempted.
As for my son, I have fewer fears. Right now he thinks his big sister is the coolest, so he’s likely to be seen sporting a pink feather boa and tiara. Having an older sibling of the opposite gender sort of levels things out a bit, and I’m a little bit grateful for that.
This is good stuff, you know. Made me realise how little I’ve questioned this, even though I’ve noticed it.
I like your detail – really looking at the messages the clothes tell, not just the colours.
An artist friend of mine did an project where she put together all the stuff she could find for adult women that was pink.
Extraordinary.
Adult men don’t have things in baby-blue.
Thanks again – made me think!
@Fifi: Yeah, it’s hard – and I kind of resent having to move so far from the “mainstream” kid shops before I find anything even vaguely OK. Thanks for the hairybaby.com recommendation, by the way! They have some cute stuff. (I’m dithering between being pleased that their Christmas collections for boys and girls are apparently identical, and being annoyed that they STILL feel the need to put them behind gender-segregated links.)
@Ailbhe: Oho, yes. Anything I’ve got O and F from the Girl section has tended to be flimsier and less generously cut than their Boy clothes. Every little helps, of course – as we hang and fold our little girls’ skimpy, delicate garb we get to reflect on how frail and precious they are.
@Lupin: Thanks for stopping by! Yes, I worry about the sexist messages that are thrown at my boys, but I can barely imagine what a shrieking harpy I’d be if I had girls. My boys will grow up to be beneficiaries of the patriarchy, and as long as I can teach them to be aware of that, and not to be entitled arses (often), I’ll probably feel relatively OK. Which doesn’t help you, of course! I thoroughly recommend reading Ailbhe’s blog (linked above), by the way: she has two girls, and is very wise.
@Caro: Yeah, I got the wholesale rejection of Girliness too. I think it was a byproduct of 70s feminism. It’s harder to make a case for valuing the unvalued than it is for allowing greater access to the loci of power, innit.
@Amber: I have the dilemma of how to react to my sons’ desires too, but in the other direction – the Oyster is big into swords and bows and arrows. I have a strong reaction against weapons of any kind, but I feel that if I banned them, they’d gain cachet and mystique. Plus, I remember enjoying playing with a bow and arrow when I was a kid. So I talk myself around. (Guns are another question. I don’t know the answer to that one; fortunately, it hasn’t arisen yet.) It helps that he loves pink and purple, and has been thoroughly brainwashed by my rants about the designers of children’s clothes
@Andrew: Oh, the infantilisation of women is a WHOLE other cauldron of rageousness! It’s all about boxing in – as Kate says above. If you start young enough (and they DO), the chances of people challenging their conditioning are lessened.
Hi Léan- I forgot to mention that what drew me to look at your website was your Irish name!I livein Dublin too – and my name is Leanne.
It’s good to know that there are some people who think for themselves on this little island welive on. Thanks – I will have a look at Aibhe’site.
What a great discussion on a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I am the product of role reversal, where my mother worked outside the home and my father raised my and my 2 sisters. Color coding, making each child aware that there is an “other” trains our kids early on to discriminate, to see each other as opposites.
In a way it’s almost a forced ghettoization. We are branded from a very young age, a time before we are able to fight back. Terrifying.
Like you, I think craft leads to greater topics. I spend a lot of time writing about the broader implications of craft in our everyday lives. It’s a meaty topic, so I hope you continue on with posts like these. Will you? Let me know!
I think this post is great, and have finally got round to subscribing to your blog via Google Reader.
It’s particularly interesting to me because I’ve watched this stuff in action while being a helper with Brownies (seeing the variety of things the girls wore when not in uniform, some totally unsuitably sparkly or frilly) and because I have an 11-year-old step-sister (I’ve known her since she was
who’s into some stereotypically girly things and not others. It’s good to be reminded to think carefully about these things and to consider what messages I reinforce to the children and young people I’m in contact with.
@Lupin: Hey, name twin! (OK, nearly.) That’s so cool. I bet we’ll run into each other before too long – Dublin’s like that.
@Lydia: The ghettoisation is terrifying, isn’t it? What really sticks in my craw is the way advertisers can say, with total accuracy, that this is what kids want – as if those desires hadn’t been carefully manipulated from before they were born.
@Lucy: Yay, a subscriber! I’m really interested to hear about your step-sister, because of course the notional girl imagined by the product designers presumably doesn’t exist – everyone chooses some aspects of what they’re offered and rejects others. But the stereotypes are still harmful, I think.
Only reading this now! I am much more conscious of this now since having my own O; I am dreading the thought of getting piles of pink or piles of blue once the baby arrives and reveals its all-important gender to the dozens – or hundreds – of people who have asked whether I know ‘what I’m having’. Thank God for the minority who give books – having a family’s worth of hand-me-downs from my sister, we really don’t need clothes, and I feel slightly guilty that there are several dresses that we received as presents and that O never wore as I regarded them as slightly uncomfortable/totally impractical/not conducive to the way she plays – or moves….
@Deirdre: I know – isn’t it striking how people want to stuff babies into gender boxes even before they’re born? Also, girls’ clothes are impractical; boys’ generally aren’t. And how twisted is it to (a) push the message that showing your underwear is intensely shameful, and (b) routinely dress half the child population in skirts and dresses! Argh.
I work in a large public library in Canada, there are girly books and boy’s books, many linked to disney movies and/or TV shows.
Love your blog, came across it reading a review of women’s work by Barber, but i can’t find your review.
Enjoy the post. Maybe men’s punk pants source may guide someone there.
@Jani: Don’t even get me STARTED on children’s books. Really. Don’t even.